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examples of stuff readers have said

"It's part prose-poem, part practical guide to SF."

"You really LOVE this city don't you?"

"Congratulations! You have inspired me to do the same."

"I want to give this to my friend who moved away."

first copies

i ordered a bunch of copies for myself from cafe press on monday, and they arrived a few days ago and I love them! sure, there's a few tweaks here and there to do but they are sweet pocket sized books and I feel good. just so you know -- it does take them 2 days to make the book and then add the shipping time. (I think I wrote about that before.. but I think it's only fair to let you know)

Jaynel started reading it last night. She's someone who is going through a lot health wise and yet she left me this beautiful message telling me she is so proud of me and that she wanted to have champagne to celebrate, when she shouldn't but it was her genunine happiness for me that meant a huge huge amount. Elizabeth was also amazing and inspired because she has already started writing a book and now she knows that she can do it this way. To me, this domino effect is BEAUTIFUL.

Anyone creative, anyone who wants to write a book about whatever they want can do this now. Don't let the hunt for a publisher hold you up. That can come later, once you are holding a professional, beautiful booklike object in your hand!!!

Here's the other thing: I think I have felt vulnerable about this book a little because there is so much of my spirit in it and the big leap in writing from the spirit is not being afraid that people will rip it to shreds, but that their spirits will hear what my spirit is saying. You know what I mean? I am sort of new at this, sort of not. Anyway. I feel good now as of Monday I felt like I could finally release this, these ideas, these experiences. There is no better feeling other than being in love.. but that's what I write about so it's all in there...

Cafepress

well, when all is said and done, I have to say I am pretty happy with how Cafepress has given me tech support during the whole book thing, and I receive the first copies tomorrow.

They took a bit longer to get to me than I expected, I paid for the 2 day shipping which is 15 dollars and thought they would come today. So I called and they said that it takes 2 days for them in production and then the shipping happens. Oh.. that's good to know so I can tell folks who are going to order them....

Anyway. I have had a beautiful exchange with Lo Bil in Toronto about writing in the past few days, and it was all about how when you are on a roll you cannot take a break, you cannot put it aside, you just have to plow through it until it's done. And, from this journal you might be able to see in the first few entries that I felt like it would never be done.

I am still finding corrections in the prototype that I made. I sent one to Lo, and gave one to Paolo and I have one left for me. Tomorrow I will make special books without the directory to send to friends who might not be coming to san francisco anytime soon so that info is not really that relevant to them.

Plus it's more of the prose poetry part, which I would have liked the whole book to just be stories, but I wanted to offer some value since it's for sale. I wish I was independently wealthy and could publish as many books as I wanted and give them away and leave them at hostels as JX suggested.

Life is full right now. I feel really good, but am also kind of tired, too. Talked with a good friend yesterday about the book, and she reminded me that the book is not an extension of me, it's not my heart, my heart belongs to me, this is something that had to come out and once it's out it's out and it has a life of it's own. That's the beauty of making things.

making more

I have pushed myself really hard all week to get this done. I went through 3 rounds of revisions and corrections and I know there is more to do. Today was the day I was going to attempt to upload it to Cafe Press so I could send a bunch of copies to myself and mail them to friends and family. It didn't work. Try again.

I feel like I have to pack it in for tonight. It might be that I just make my own prototypes for now. I cannot believe how much work this is, how much time it is taking.

I printed 5 more copies - its 77 pages now. I carried them home last night and then took them to the place where they will be bound today.

Saturday I got 3 more done, and gave one to Paolo tonight to read and have on his shelf for when his visitors from Brazil come. He appreciated receiving one of the first copies. Next week I will be making more and hopefully deal with Cafe Press and figure it out. Setting up a store, that part was not bad, but making the actual book and getting all the files to work - I kind of hit a few walls there.

Doing this is definitely a journey. I feel happy that it's taking shape.
Whether it's accessible to the general public, and it resonates I have no idea. Prose/poetry is tricky that way. I think that it will speak to anyone who has a love affair going on with not just San Francisco, but any city. To be in love with where you live is a state of mind, but it also effects the heart, the spirit. By writing to the city as if it is my lover, the spirit of the city comes out and also my own spirit and the qualities that I love in people come out too.

Thursday already

Ok so a few more readers of my book have given me feedback. It's so valuable to be patient and wait. Let the soup cook a liiiittle bit more. It does improve.

And the ideas keep coming. Today I added "her burritos" and how could I forget:

her bridges.

I write about the golden gate bridge on the baker beach page. I want to write from the heart about the bridges. They are her bracelets. I have never thought of them that way, but they are like glittering jewellery.

Anyway. I need to figure out how to make a permanent "tell me what you love about san francisco" post that doesn't get buried in archives.

Saturday + Sunday

I made 4 prototype books on Saturday. They look so cute, and it felt so good to hold them in my hand and flip the pages. You can only work onscreen for so long. It's way easier to go through it now, rather than just printed pages clipped together.

But it feels like the editing process will never end. I am starting to get sick of reading the same stuff over and over and over.

I have given books to my closest friends here to review. But, people have busy lives and so far, no real feedback. Maybe I need to hire a devoted editor. What do they charge I wonder?

Anyway, I feel depressed about it all. I finished it, almost, sort of, and there weren't any fireworks. It makes me depressed, even so I wrote it for myself because I had to say everything in there. And now if I get hit by a car at least it's out there... but I wrote it to connect to people. I think that's why people make art. You can't do it inside a bubble. I'm hoping that this site can be a place where people can tell me the things they love about San Francisco, the things that make them swoon.

I read it to Ruben on Saturday and it made him cry so that's a good sign. But I still don't know whether it's going to resonate with anyone else. All I know is when I read it, I cry because I am so fucking happy that it came out and I know it has been brewing/composting/cooking for the past six years. This is six years of being in love. A seven year obsession really... or longer. Because when I first came to San Francisco with Rick Conroy it was 1997. Then I went back to Canada and decided that I had to live here. I arrived Jan 1. 1999 right on time for dot com madness. Now, South Park is quiet. Well, quieter. In 2000 it was out of control. You remember. You couldn't find space on the lawn. All those dotcommers talking shop.

Anyway. I am going to document the emotional roller coaster ride I am on.
I feel like I am on it alone, completely alone. I am reading Writing down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg while I am doing this. She's helping me through it, she's my midwife.

Sunday I came to the office to do another round of corrections and edits. And now I just went through it again and found more tweaks. I just want it to be done!!!

It's a very uncomfortable place, this not quite done, almost there, how many people do I show this to until it's really done situation.

72 pages / 4 copies

Printed up 4 copies for more editing. I cannot wait to publish it. The feeling of wanting to chop out the whole Directory of Goodness is strong and just keeping it as a pure Love Letter. While writing this, I have felt so impatient - I want to hold the book in my hands, and have it look exactly the way I want it to. 

 I had to write this thing. It wrote itself in a lot of ways.